Skinny White Guy

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Austin, Texas, three years and seven months later at the George W. Bush Library:

"Skinny, I've missed your anti-blog. I think you owe it to the country to start posting again."
"Mr. President, since you left office, the direction the country has taken has left me feeling maudlin," I said.
"I think you better go eat a Chik-Fila sandwich and use a better word like MALAISE. Then get back in the saddle. These new attack ads have all the power of a newkular bomb.Your country needs you."
"Yes, sir, Mr. President," I said, still feeling a bit maudlin.

Then the Romney campaign announced the pick for VP-- Paul Ryan. The attack ads immediately flooded the airwaves.

The ad was direct and brutal. First they claimed that unlike President Obama, Paul Ryan had never held a real job. When the Romney campaign countered that Paul Ryan worked as a fitness instructor, they seized the initiative.

Shock waves reverberated over the airwaves. CNN's Candi Crowley dubbed the choice a campaign "death wish."

The Romney campaign went into damage control. But was it too late?

The attack was focused and relentless...

Could the ticket recover from such a devastating blow?

The attack didn't let up.

Is the campaign over before the Republican Convention? Can American survive four more years of hope and change? Will the Skinny White Guy buy an MP3 of "Alone Again Naturally," by Gilbert O'Sullivan and throw himself off a nearby tower?

skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 7:00 AM 0 Comments

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

WASHINGTON, D.C.

The people voted for change... and they are going to get it. When questioned about his appointee's failure to pay federal income tax on $40,000 of income over several years, Mr. Obama got right to the point:

His choice was defended by the Senate Majority Leader.

"Gee, I forget to pay taxes all the time... how about you Chuck?"

Then Timothy Geithner exposed his real genius. "I plan to staff the senior positions within Treasury with people who understand the tax system and how to beat it."

Then he introduced Undersecretary Wesley Snipes.

Meanwhile outside the Courthouse in Manhattan...

skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 2:35 PM 0 Comments

Friday, December 26, 2008

Washington, D.C.

The public face of the investigation surfaced during a hastily called press conference.

"I'm sending the Skinny White Guy to Chicago to assist the U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of Illinois with a serious investigation," the Attorney General said. Then he left the podium and finished his last minute Christmas shopping.

The SWG took the first flight to O'Hare International and met with Patrick Fitzgerald.

"How about them Bears beating the Packers in O.T? I almost had a heart attack when they blocked the field goal."

Then he got serious. "He's trying to sell Senator Obama's seat to the highest bidder."

"We have the goods on Blago," he said. "We Have proof. He even gave a press conference and bragged about it. We caught it all with a wire."

"What sort of man tries to sell a senator's recliner on Craig's List? Where will Mr. Obama sit to watch TV? Blago is no football fan. He doesn't understand. He's a menace and must be stopped."
skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 7:45 AM 0 Comments

Thursday, November 06, 2008

THE PEOPLE HAVE CHOSEN BARAK OBAMA TO LEAD THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Is the Skinny White Guy bitter? HELL NO!

He would however, cling to his religion and guns if he had any

Representative Rahm Emanuel (D-IL) has been tapped as President-elect Obama’s Chief of Staff. Representative Emanuel will lead the transition team and take the lead in selecting the members of the Obama Administration. You helped select the new president. Here is your chance to help choose the best and brightest for the new administration. In the spirit of unity and government by the people, SWG has prepared a list of outstanding Americans to run the government for the next four years. Pick your recommendations and contact the transition team TODAY!

CANDIDATES FOR SECRETARY OF DEFENSE

MICHAEL MOORE

Has had more to say about U.S. military policy during the Bush Administration than anyone in the Pentagon. Nobody knows more about running a war than him. Imagine him reviewing the troops in formation... What a picture!

AL FRANKEN

Knows more than a few thing about defense. He even tackled a heckler at an Obama rally. Often described as the "Donald Rumsfeld of the Left," he would bring candor and a refreshing dose of new profanities to the Pentagon.

TIM ROBBINS

When a__holes at his election precinct informed him that he wasn't registered to vote, he took them on. The NYPD helped remove him from the building. Just the kind of backbone we need in civilian leadership at the Pentagon.

FOR SECRETARY OF STATE

Cindy Sheehan has rubbed elbows with more dictators than even Jimmy Carter. Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro... Can you say NO PRECONDITIONS?

REVEREND JEREMIAH WRIGHT

Jeremiah Wright brings 30 years of blaming America to the job. Even France would be pleased with his appointment as Secretary of State.

FOR SECRETARY OF EDUCATION

JESSE JACKSON

He wasn't really going to cut anybody's n_ts off. Reading is the key to education our children. Why not stay the course on Laura Bush's reading program? Imagine a nation of children reading like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPy2alWEZ-U

ROSIE O'DONNELL

Reading is also very important to Rosie, but so is bullying. No one is better equipped to deal with bulling in schools... she would be a great role model for future bullies. Just ask the cast and crew of THE VIEW.

FOR SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY

BARBARA STREISAND

She understands the Nation's economic struggle. Do you remember her singing Second Hand Rose as Fanny Brice?

WHOOPI GOLDBERG

It's a lack of confidence in America's future that is driving the economy. We need someone with a clear vision. When John McCain appeared on the VIEW she asked: "Should I Be Worried About Being a Slave Again?"

She doesn't look that old.

FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL

Both candidates have extensive experience with the justice system

AL SHARPTON

Played a pivotal role in the famous Tawana Brawley case and has been arrested numerous times. He's also a sharp dresser.

BILL AYERS

Is proof that we need strong leadership at the Justice Department. Few American's have his in-depth knowledge of domestic terrorism or utter contempt for America and all it stands for.

FOR SECRETARY OF VETERAN'S AFFAIRS

JOY BEHAR

Has extensive experience bashing the military on THE VIEW and would bring her vast knowledge and wonderful interpersonal skills to the job.

GAVIN NEWSOME

Kicked military recruiters out of San Francisco, booted ROTC programs from the schools and has perhaps the most anti-military views of any mayor in America. Want to cut the cost of veteran's programs? Give him the job and he'll eliminate them.

AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS

WARD CHURCHILL

Would bring a solid record of hating America to the U.N., so he'd fit right in. He wrote the 911 attacks were a "Natural and inevitable response to U.S. policies." The French would like his berets too.

LOIS FARRAKHAN

Brings a sense of fashion and his own security detail to the job. It might take the "blue eyed devils" and "bloodsuckers" a while to warm up, but his speeches would be more interesting than we're accustomed to.

WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY

Keith Olbermann proved himself to be a good soldier during the campaign. Sure he acts like he has rabies or something on air, but doesn't he deserve to be rewarded?

CHRIS MATHEWS

Maybe Olbermann acts like he has rabies, but Chris Mathews acts like he has the rage virus. If he doesn't get the job as Press Secretary, maybe he can star in the upcoming film about zombies with the rage virus invading Washington.

WRITE THE TRANSITION TEAM TODAY. IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION, THEN YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 11:22 AM 0 Comments

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

MAC TOOK THE SKINNY WHITE GUY ASIDE AT THE BLACK TIE BASH.

"Skinny my friend, I'm a little upset about what I'm hearing about a Halloween display in West Hollywood. They are depicting the Governor of Alaska, the Republican candidate for Vice President in a way that I can't believe is acceptable. Tell me that it's NOT okay..."

The Skinny White Guy took the first jet to Los Angeles and saw it first hand. Then he went to talk to someone who knows something about hate crimes.

"Federal prosecution is possible for hate crimes committed on the basis of a person's race, color, religion, or nation origin when engaging in a federally protected activity," the justice said. "She's just a white woman-- so it's not a crime."

"Just a white woman... I'd say I understand sir, but I don't," SWG said.

skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 7:35 PM 0 Comments

Saturday, September 06, 2008

There is an election going on and SWG is right in the middle of things.

He greeted his friends Mac and SB (Sarah Barracuda). They met an an NRA convention in 2005, so they were't strangers.

He was at an event with Mac when he got the call from another old friend.

"Skinny dahling," she cooed. "I do so want to play the part of Sarah Palin in the movie coming out about her life. Can you teach me all about firearms?"

What are friends for?

skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 2:23 PM 0 Comments

"WE'RE NUMBER ONE!"

HOWARD DEAN SHOUTED AS HE WHIPPED HIS PARTY INTO A FRENZY AT THE CONVENTION.

MEANWHILE THERE WAS WORK TO DO...

"SKINNY," DUBYA SAID OVER THE SECURE TELEPHONE, "I NEED YOU TO GO TO IZRUL AND TALK TO EHUD. TELL HIM I NEED HIS NEWKEWLAR GOAT BARBEQUE RECIPE FOR THE COOKOUT."

SWG APPEARED ON THE SUNDAY TALK SHOWS WHEN HE ARRIVED BACK IN THE U.S.

THEN HEADED FOR THE NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER TO TRACK THE HURRICANES.

skinny.white.guy@hotmail.com

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 1:54 PM 0 Comments

Friday, September 05, 2008

MY FELLOW AMERICANS-- JOIN THE TIDE

SKINNY WHITE GUY FOR PRESIDENT!

# posted by Dave Diamantes @ 6:25 AM 0 Comments

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

Old Bubba is on the road, charming voters in his version of the Straight Talk Express, complete with fluffy pillows and satin sheets.

When he's not in the office, he's on the phone appealing to the Super Delegates.

Using the old Clinton charm to woo them into electing the first woman president.

"That was a song by Tommy Tune," he told a voter in Oregon. "I like it. By the way, what's your phone number?"

Evenings were spent caucusing in his mobile office. "Who says young people are all voting for Obama?" Bubba said between swigs of Corona.