Skinny White Guy

When the Mayor announced his all out war on trans fat, New York elitists were giddy. They knew it was only the first step. Next would be a mandatory breakfast of whole grain cereals and the elimination of sausage and bacon, followed by compulsory donations to National Public Radio (without the free tote bag).








The NYPD fanned out over Gotham City in a wave of arrests unlike any other since the end of prohibition.








"Drop them and get your hands up!" shouted the officer.

The Mayor posed with the huge stash of contraband items at a news conference.

"We are making New York the showplace of North America," he said. "Soon we'll be just like France or one of the other great E.U. countries!" Then he led the others in a chorus of I BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.








MEANWHILE, IN WASHINGTON

The Big W called the Skinny White Guy to a meeting in the Oval Office. "Justices Scalia and Thomas are pissed," he said. "And Chief Justice Roberts has a whole case of Ho Hos in his desk. The Second Circuit won't issue an injunction. We need you to go up and have a talk with them." He handed the Skinny White Guy a package of Twinkies. "These things are great. Dick picked them up at the Safeway on the half-price rack. I'm afraid Clarence and Antonin will go up there and deliver a case of whoop-ass to them people if they don't issue an injunction. That doesn't look good being there is an election coming up."


MEANWHILE IN MEDELLIN, COLUMBIA

"This trans fat is much easier to smuggle than cocoa," he said. "Do you know how much we can get onto an airplane? We'll shift our whole operation to this stuff."

"You know, there are some cops that would look the other way for a case of Twinkies," said his brother. "Yes, I remember hearing about the Twinkie Defense in San Francisco several years ago. That involved a cop, right?"


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