Tuesday, October 03, 2006
WASHINGTON D.C. -- 1992When reporters asked President George H. Bush if he knew the price of a gallon of milk, he couldn't answer.
"A dollar?" he stammered. "How about two dollars... Five dollars?"
The press labeled him a rich elitist who was out of touch with the American people. He lost the election to the man who the public thought was in touch--- Old Bubba.
But what about the Bush Dynasty? His eldest son was a frat boy at Yale. In touch with the American public? George H. called political strategist Lyn Nofzinger. They came up the a plan.
"I say Chadwick old boy," George W. said with a perfect Cary Grant accent. "How about a round of croquet on the Green followed by some watercress sandwiches?"
But what about the Bush Dynasty? His eldest son was a frat boy at Yale. In touch with the American public? George H. called political strategist Lyn Nofzinger. They came up the a plan.
"I say Chadwick old boy," George W. said with a perfect Cary Grant accent. "How about a round of croquet on the Green followed by some watercress sandwiches?"
"Tsk tsk Georgie, I'd rather pick up Muffie and Zoe and do a little yachting."
George H. hired the best diction coach in the country to turn his young son into an American who the man on the street could identify with.
"Nuclear," George said.
"No, it's newkewlar," the Skinny White Guy said.
"Oh pshaw!" young George said. "Will I ever get it?"
George H. hired the best diction coach in the country to turn his young son into an American who the man on the street could identify with.
"Nuclear," George said.
"No, it's newkewlar," the Skinny White Guy said.
"Oh pshaw!" young George said. "Will I ever get it?"
SIX MONTHS LATER
"Look at that sumbitch Skinny," he said. "If this ain't the biggest dang fish of the day, I'll kiss yer ass."
"Excellent, George," the Skinny White Guy said. "We're almost there. The next stop is Texas. Do you like baseball?"
"Hale yaus!" he hollered.
SOON
"The wide open spaces, a good pick-up truck, a pack of Twinkies or pork rinds and a soft drink-- It doesn't get any better. Football, baseball and Nascar-- they are part of what makes America a great nation."
MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AISLE
"I'm very concerned about how he will take it if I'm elected President," she said. "He's used to being the center of attention. He acts-up when he gets bored. Would you have a talk with him?"
"I'm very concerned about how he will take it if I'm elected President," she said. "He's used to being the center of attention. He acts-up when he gets bored. Would you have a talk with him?"
HARLEM
When they met in his study, Bubba was unusually quiet. "Think of the important role you would have," the Skinny White Guy said.
"I hadn't thought of it that way," he said after a long pause.
LATER ON THE LINKS
"You know after thinking about it," he said, "I'm about the most qualified guy in the world for this job. You know what's the most important thing the First Lady does? Makes the wives of foreign dignitaries feel good. And I'm a natural!" As they walked to the 19th tee he continued. "Have you ever seen Veronica Berlusconi in a bathing suit? How about Cherie Blair in tight pants? Then there is Laureen Harper... dang I can't wait for my first state visit to Canada."
DURING THE BOOK TOUR
DURING THE BOOK TOUR
Bubba starting practicing for the job.
"I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I'll bet I can make your Bed Rock!" he said.
"Is that Windex you're wearing? Because I can see myself in your pants."
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