Tuesday, November 21, 2006
AFTER THE THUMPIN'The Republican leadership called the Skinny White Guy for help.
"Go back to your roots," he said. "Small government, personal responsibility, low taxes, and freedom of religion."
Then he introduced Madame Goo Goo Dusault to the committee. "Speaking of religion, Madame Dusault is a Voodoo Priestess. You need to hire her."
"You got da trouble with the Dems?" she asked. "I'll put da mojo on em for you mon."
"Is that chicken blood?" The Senate Majority Leader asked.
"I think I'm gonna puke," the current Speaker said.
THE EFFECT WAS SWIFT AND CERTAIN
The next day, the incoming speaker introduced her pick for Majority Leader.
The next day, the incoming speaker introduced her pick for Majority Leader."And he has distinguished himself during his twenty-five years in Congress by being named an unindicted co-conspirator in the Abscam case, and limiting his legislative initiatives to weakening ethics rules, limiting the power of Federal law enforcement officials and providing pork projects for his district..."
MEANWHILE
"I will introduce legislation to reinstate the draft," the Congressman from New York's 15th District announced.
"I keep feeling like someone is sticking pins in my neck," he said later.
"I realize that Jane Harman will be the senior Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, but I've decided to replace her," the future Speaker said." She supports our national defense too strongly, particularly against terrorists. The intelligence agencies actually trust her."
"My selection for Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee is one of only seven Federal Judges in the history of our Nation to be convicted of corruption and removed from the bench. In his new position, he will be in charge of the oversight of the CIA and the FBI, as well as the Departments of Defense, Energy, Justice, State, and Homeland Security. As I said, the people demanded a new level of ethics in Congress, and that's what I plan to deliver."
THEN IT HAPPENED
When the White House announced the resignation of Secretary Rumsfeld, the future Speaker made an announcement. "If the President is really interested in bipartisanship, he should nominate someone for Secretary of Defense who really knows what he is doing. I recommend Michael Moore. He has the honesty, stature and bearing to lead our armed services."
Madame Dusault was working her magic.
THAT NIGHT
THAT NIGHT
The Skinny White Guy filled in for Leonard Slatkin and conducted the National Symphony Orchestra.
AFTER WARDS
"You looked sooo skinny and sooo white up there leading the orchestra," she said in a husky Lauren Bacall voice. "I got goosebumps. Let's go make some music of our own"
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