Skinny White Guy

Friday, December 22, 2006

NEW YORK

The trip back from the Middle East was long and the Skinny White Guy was jet-lagged. Then his good friend Donald called as he was going through Customs. "Skinny, I need your help," he said. "Tara has been acting up and drinking in bars. I'm thinking of firing her."

They met in the Donald's office in Manhattan.

"Before you fire her, let me talk to her," The Skinny White Guy said. "My contacts on THE VIEW tell me that there is trouble brewing."

"Speaking of brewing," Donald said. "Is that a beer you're drinking in my office?"

"Yes," the Skinny White Guy said.

"Oh," the Donald said. "Can I get you a coaster?"

Then the Donald left the room and sent Miss USA in. "Hey big boy," she said. "How about sharing one of those brewskis with a thirsty girl?"

"Got an ID?" he asked.

"I left it at home," she said.

"Tough," he said. "They sure are cold."

He took a leave of absence from his high-stress job and escorted Miss USA to her official engagements across the United States in the high performance Trumpmobile.

Then one evening it happened... The Skinny White Guy had developed a more than a one beer thirst.

"If you don't let me have one of those, I'll hold my breath until I pass out!" she yelled.

"Try not to hit your head when you fall," he said between gulps.

THE NEXT DAY

"I feel so bad, I've been acting like a spoiled child," she said during a stop. "Will the Skinny White Guy ever forgive me?"

LATER AT A COCKTAIL PARTY IN MANHATTAN

"Would you pweeze considew being on my pogwam?" she asked. "We have a lot of questions wegarding Miss USA. I can pwomise that Wozie will not misbehave."

Some promises are hard to keep.

"This Skinny guy has a lot of nerve coming on my show and sticking up for Donald Trump," Rosie said.

"Wew excuse me," Barbara said. "I beweeve it's weewy my show."

Then it got ugly.

LATER

"Don't you ever try to come on my show again," she said.

"Maybe you should sign up for an NRA gun safety class, if you are going to carry that thing." he said.

"Who do you think I am?" she shouted. "A common person?"