Skinny White Guy

Thursday, November 30, 2006

WASHINGTON

The future Speaker was strategizing with with her advisers. "So what if my first choice for majority leader was an unidicted co-conspirator in the Abcsam sting and my first choice for Chairman of the Intelligence Committee was impeached by the Senate for bribery. Why won't everybody just lighten up?" Then her eyes narrowed... "And let me tell you, Jane Harman will never be the Chairman, even if she is the senior Democrat on the Committee. She made fun of my shoes once. She said I looked frumpy... Of all the nerve! By the way, maybe you boys ought to skip the Whoppers and fries and order tofu once in a while."

MEANWHILE

"I need you and Skinny to head to Asia. He needs to go undercover and see if he can pick up a Playstation 3. Dick was camped out in line waiting for them to go on sale, and the only way I could get him to come in was to promise him one."

"Have you thought about my plan to deal with Kim Jong Il?" she asked.

"We'll trade sanction his butt until he cries Uncle!"

OUTSIDE THE BEST BUY STORE IN SUBURBAN WASHINGTON

The Vice President had been insistent "I won't cut and run. I'm not leaving this sidewalk until I have a Playstation 3."

His physician at Bethesda Naval hospital sounded the alarm.

"He ate six hot dogs and two bags of potato chips the first three hours. He's been playing Grand Theft Auto nonstop. His heart might not take it. And I'm worried about his thumbs. This could be fatal."

The Skinny White Guy and the Secretary of State traveled by way of Brussels and attended the NATO meeting with the President.

Then she bid him good luck for the dangerous mission ahead.

"You'll meet up with an agent code named LOTUS FLOWER in Tokyo," she said. Then she got close.. "Be careful," she whispered.

MEANWHILE

With the possibility of trade sanctions looming, the Chairman went on a wild spending spree, complete with Harley Davidson motorcycles, Rolexes, Ipods and Cognac.

But what about a Playstation 3?

The Skinny White Guy made contact with Agent Lotus Flower at Shinjuku Train Station in Tokyo, posing as an American businessman.

"Hello sailor," she said as he walked across the platform.

They went undercover posing as an American Sumo wrestler and his manager.

When they approached their contact in the Japanese Mafia they were informed that he had already sold the Playstation 3 for ten times the sticker price to a rich foreigner...

"He can bite my clank," the rich foreigner reportedly said when told that his new Playstation 3 was originally promised to the Vice President.