Skinny White Guy

WASHINGTON

They were salivating as the House Minority Leader gave the press conference. "The Republicans have had control of the House since 1995," she said. "And control of the Senate for most of that time. WHAT HAVE THEY ACCOMPLISHED?" she shouted.

"NOTHING!" the crowd thundered.

MEANWHILE

The Speaker was giving a press conference of his own. "It's really big, and they toast the bun, and put so much steak and onions on it, that it falls out all over the plate," he said with conviction. "And I like to get the onion rings with it, not the fries."






The Big W called the Skinny White Guy for advice. "Skinny, I'm worried that we'll lose control of Congress," he said. "I've been doing lots of stuff. But the Dems are saying that Congress hasn't done anything in the last ten years."

"Can anyone think of anything we've accomplished?" The Senate Majority Leader asked. You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

"Excellent," the Skinny White Guy said. "It's a no-brainer. Run on your record. Run on the facts. The voters would have to be crazy NOT to reelect you!"







LATER

"Remember the Great Society?" the Senator asked. "Just the block-grant program threw $100 billion tax dollars away. Local officials squandered the money, your money, with little or nothing to show for it. How about the 550 billion dollar Savings & Loan bailout? Thank the Carter Administration for that. You haven't seen any of that while we've been in control. What will the Dems do if you give them control? We don't have any more canals to give away... but perhaps a national health insurance program. Malaise? Count on it." Then he cut to the chase. "Elect us, and we'll continue to look out for you by not accomplishing anything... and that's a promise."

"Brilliant!" whispered the Skinny White Guy.




LATER

"You weren't home when I called," she said. "You weren't with that b_tch Diane Sawyer were you?"

"Why no," the Skinny White Guy said.





"I was helping an old friend adjust the window blinds. You know how it is with a new house."

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