Skinny White Guy

Monday, October 09, 2006

HOLLYWOOD

The Skinny White Guy was enjoying his trip to Hollywood. He is always in demand when people know there will be cameras. But he's a low-key kind of guy. Then he got the call on the special phone. The encrypted message was brief and to the point. "Skinny, I got word that Dick is back on the junk food again. His cardiologist called from Bethesda Naval Hospital. He's afraid he'll have a newkewlar explosion in his aorta or something. I need you to look into it."

The Skinny White Guy was helicoptered to Edwards Air Force Base and then flown to Washington on-board an F-16 trainer.

THE WEST WING

What the Skinny White Guy found was worse than he expected. "Mr. Vice President, your country needs you," he said. "It's this election that's getting to me," the VP said between Twinkees. The Skinny White Guy arranged to replace the junk food with heart-healthy Ho Hos and Snow Balls.

SUNDAY MORNING NEWS

The Skinny White Guy was asked to prognosticate on the upcoming election.

"After the last election Big Al decided to go back to his roots and became a part-time weatherman at WKPT television in Bristol," he said. "He also invented the Ipod."

"He made a startling discovery while studying international weather patterns. The output of greenhouse gases runs in four-year cycles and is directly proportional to the amount of television revenue generated by the elections. He came to a sobering conclusion... he'd been running on a methane platform."

"The 2004 election resulted in the loss of 200 square miles of glacial ice in Greenland." Then the Skinny White Guy dropped a bombshell that rocked the Republican political establishment at its very core. "Big Al figured out how to get the vote of every red-state male in America. He had his bus repainted and hired a whole new staff. "

"He distanced himself from the party regulars and said he's going to throw one big party of his own. Even a former president who I shall not name offered to help drive the bus. This new strategy could decide the election."